Standards and Devotion – Leadership that changes people’s lives

Prefer to watch on video than read?  Click here – 5 mins with captions.

Ever had a leader that changed your life?  A teacher, a coach, a manager?  Would you like to be able to make that sort of difference?

What’s needed is simple, but not easy – the combination of Standards and Devotion that Frances Frei and Anne Morriss write about in their book Unleashed, which you should read.

Four Boxes!

So, what are we talking about?

Standards are as it sounds – the performance we want out of people. The level they are supposed to meet.

Devotion is about how much we care for another.  Their wellbeing, their success, whether they are OK.

Under the International Rules of Consultants we must put this into a four-box diagram, so here it is…

…allowing us to do the four combinations of Low and High for each of Standards and Devotion.

And I’ve included the names Frei and Morriss give each of the quadrants, leaving out the last for the big reveal.

Severe is about holding high standards without regard for the humanness of who we are dealing with.  Think about old-school sporting coaches and the ‘spray’ designed to inspire players by making them feel worthless.

Fidelity might seem like a weird word, but it sticks – high devotion without standards means all we see is the other person, out of context.  Think ‘hi-fi’ as in high-fidelity – we can hear every sound in the mix.  For people, it means we see all their humanness, their unique story…which will always mean the standards not being met makes sense.  To them.

The low-low box is neglect.  And before you think you’ve never done this, think about how someone is treated when we know they are on the way out.  As Frei and Morriss point out – do we lose eye contact?  A very unpleasant situation for them, to not matter in any way at all.

Justice

And this takes us to what we get when have both Standards and Devotion, the wonderful word Frei and Morriss give us is…JUSTICE.

Yes, this is a deep word.  But it feels right, as in “it is JUST to hold someone to standards while being devoted to them as a person”.  Or…the other – is it JUST to hold someone to standards and disregard them as people?  Or is it JUST to not worry about standards at all when these are needed for the health of the whole show?

‘Justice’…it works doesn’t it!

As Frei and Morriss ask people to do in workshops – think about that person that popped into your mind right at the start, the one that made a difference to you.  Did they operate in the Justice quadrant for you?  Yep.

What to do with this

I use these ideas in two ways. 

Try

The first is to ask people to simply try.  This means when the explanations start about why Severe is the only option, or why Fidelity is appropriate, I ask that we don’t give in so easy.  Let’s take just a few minutes to figure out a way we can hold both high standards and high devotion.  It might be a tone of voice thing.  Or a timing thing.  Or a clarity thing.  Just don’t take the easy road and decide “I like the idea, but this doesn’t apply this time”

Become more aware

The other great use is the way Frei and Morriss ask “when do you show up in each quadrant”.  You are not always Severe, or Just, or Fidelity…ey..or Neglectful.  You are going to be all of these at different times. 

A common one is Fidelity regarding your own boss when they don’t hold standards.

Another common way we show up in the Fidelity area is in leadership – when we love the relationship part to the detriment of the results part.  That’s fidelity.

Good friends are often when we show up in Justice – we love them, and we’re willing to let them know what they need to know.  And we can often turn to Severe in moments of pressure, or even for some it can become their default style.  Just watch me when I’m struggling with my kids!

By being aware of when we show up in what quadrants and having a think about it, we can move ourselves more often toward Justice…which will be better for all.

Why Severe and Fidelity are Easier

And finally, remember that Severe and Fidelity are the easy option.  They both allow us to avoid the icky nature of genuine human connection.

By being Severe, we can effectively shut down the connection with the other person.  “Just get it done”, “Come to me with solutions, not problems”…these are hallmarks of a Severe approach which allows for a quick side-step of the anxiousness of human connection.  

And the same goes for Fidelity – by shooing away the necessity for Standards, by not getting people to face up to what they agreed to…we can avoid the anxiousness of the human connection being frayed.  That feeling of “they’re not going to like me”, or “I’m going to disappoint them”.

Doesn’t matter which one, if we skimp on either Standards or Devotion, we are doing other people, and ourselves, a disservice.

The role of the leader is to move toward the path of Justice.  It’s the way we can genuinely Be Excellent to Each Other.